Logic vs. emotion: And the winner is?

Are your emotions always battling your parent's logic when it comes to life decisions? Era Singh analyzes this battle.

It's always easy to believe that you are steadfast in your beliefs. That you know your values. And exactly the right decision to any predicament. Why?

Because this is what you believe in and have always believed in. Possibly these stem from personal beliefs. Or are beliefs engrained in you by parents and society.

There are many of us who think like that. I am one of them. Many will say, for example: it is wrong to marry someone of another race.

But would you say the same thing, at a particular moment, when in love?  When someone is happy with a person and everything seems right, will race matter?

It all comes back to the same thing:  emotion versus logic.

Logically, for most Indian Americans, marrying someone of another race is not the right decision. It's a different culture and religion, and it's harder on the family. However, emotionally, the decision may be right. It's not easy to let go, and why should one, when someone is happy and content with that person?

Most people know what the logical decision is, but emotions are so compelling that they often overwhelm logic.

Is that a bad thing?

Unfortunately, some of the most important decisions in life -- wedding being just one of them -- come down to a battle between logic and emotion. And it's hard to say which side is right. Many will passionately argue emotion. Others will vehemently support logic. Many will remain in between.

This struggle is especially relevant today among many Indian-American families — families in which parents have been raised traditionally in India and their children have been raised here, in a much more modern society.

Most Indian-American parents --again, I refer specifically to parents who were brought up in India and migrated here -- believe in logic. They believe in a formula for their son or daughter's life: get the right education, the right job and the right husband/wife.  And all this, they feel, will and does lead to happiness.

Each step of life, these parents feel, is a step to the next. They work their child hard through high school so he or she gets into a good college, which leads to a good job.  Especially for girls, a good job in turn makes it easier to get a good husband.

It sounds harsh as I write it on paper, but by no means am I criticizing this approach. I am simply writing it in blunt terms for the purpose of this article. I actually am a supporter of this approach.

But this approach reflects the upbringing of such parents. They were brought up guided by such logic themselves, each decision made by their parents. I know my parents had little freedom even to choose whom to marry. Their marriage was based on those things that were attractive on paper -- a good family background, the good education, etc.

But for the next generation of teenagers and young adults, born or brought up here in America, it's different. We're brought up in a very different society – a society in which we are encouraged to be independent and one in which we are encouraged to be passionate about things.

No child wants to deliberately disobey his or her parents. Or hurt them. Ideally, he or she will agree with the parents and matters will be worked out in a manner that is agreeable to both.

Then why have I noticed a strange trend among Indian-American young adults and their parents lately? A trend of growing distances and misunderstanding?

More and more, I see young adults marrying husbands or wives their parents disapprove of. Or taking jobs that parents would rather they not, etc.

It took me some time to fathom this. But I realize now it's the differences in the approach to life decisions. Parents often do not understand the emotion, while many children cannot agree with the logic. Parents want their children to be doctors and engineers because it makes sense/logicial — these professions make money, command respect, and provide job security.

All these factors are important and parents are absolutely right; in the end, all any parent wants is the best for his or her child. But what does the child who has a passion for music or writing do? Especially if s/he is truly talented in that field.

It is tough, for both sides. And neither side is right or wrong in its stance. Many decisions in life need to be made based on logic and cannot or should not be based on emotion.

Personally, I am in the middle, but have always leaned more to the logic side. I have grown up that way; my parents have always made me think that way, and that's how I approach major decisions. But like I said, emotions are empowering; it's not easy to give them up. In fact, I strongly admire those people who are able to overpower them.

Unfortunately, it is tough to bridge this gap between the two sides. I have seen this gap so much in our society here. Sadly, in so many cases, it erodes the powerful relationship between parents and children. It's easy to blame one side when really, is that side at fault? 

I know at times even I am torn. I have always lived by the ideals that my parents believe in. I am confident that I will do so in the future as well. But I have met and encountered many who believe otherwise, many of whom are very happy and passionate people, and I understand them as well.

It is unfortunate to see this gap between parents and their children, and the question arises:  is there a solution to this problem? Some would say understanding. Some would say time.

I say both. It is not easy. It will take a lot of understanding, and just as much if not more time. In addition, there may be a necessity for shifting attitudes -- both within the family and within the Indian-American society.  

Era Singh is a sophmore at Carnegie Melllon University, Pittsburgh.