From pigtails to cocktail-parties, we stuck together. Through late night adventures and early morning blues, crushes and heartaches, we held each others’ hands. Through long telephone conversations, never-ending shopping ventures, crucial decisions (What do I wear for my date?) we revelled in our friendship. We knew we would be there for each other. Forever.

We knew each other inside out. Tastes, choices, turn-offs. We had experienced most growing up pains together. First crush. First date. First dance. First love.

Sharing homework assignments, exam fever, advice, ideas, rooms, bikes, lunches and more, we grew up with the secure feeling of each other’s companionship. Always having someone to talk to, to chill out or just plain haggle with. Life was one big party.

And then, we grew up.

Careers, marriage, other priorities started changing the course of our lives. Ria had found a terrific husband. Neena was doing extremely well in her career. Reshma was off to study at Cornell. We developed into distinct personalities. No longer the group of seven little girls who giggled a lot, agreed on most things and were always happy for each other. Somehow, no one had any time anymore. Everyone was too busy with their own lives. Gone were the days of simply sitting and chatting about nothing in particular, the long aimless walks, the pointless discussions that covered everything under the sun. The good old times, as they call it. Things had changed now, without warning.

Stolen kisses had turned legitimate. Dreams had materialised. Boyfriends went out of circulation. Money, responsibility, taxes, relationships were all new words that somehow found their way into our vocabulary.

At the back of our minds, each of us hoped to outdo the other. I, for one, wished I would get a package deal of Ria’s husband, Neena’s job and Arti’s talent. And when I didn’t, I kind of wished they wouldn’t have it either. I knew the others felt that way too. And it showed.

'When friendship loses its virtue, it useth an enforced ceremony,' William Shakespeare. The words ring true.

Suddenly, all those years of togetherness slipped into a strange nothingness.

Shameful but true, the best of friends experience jealousy. Have you ever felt a pang of jealousy when your best friend got into your dream college (and you didn’t)? When the cute neighbour flashed a smile at her and not you? When she found the perfect husband, the kind you were looking for? When she got a promotion at work? When her salary was higher than yours? When your parents said she is prettier than you? This is the bitter truth about jealousy among close friends.

We have all felt it sometime. In the darkest corner of our inner selves, gnawing at our conscience, the green-eyed monster makes its presence felt. Inevitably accompanied by guilt, the negative feeling does exist, no matter how close the bonds may be. We know we must rejoice in our friends’ good times, but sometimes all we feel is emptiness.

It’s a strange paradox. The very people we call our own, the people we expect support and guidance from, whom we have sometimes seen through the toughest of times, these same people who we genuinely care for… why are we jealous of them? Shouldn’t we, in principle, be with them through the good and the bad?

I mean, friendship is after all supposed to be the highest form of regard between humans.

Friendships are intricate relationships and, like all other relationships, have their share of heartache. But why do we cringe at the good fortune of someone we hold so dear?

“Close friends are always jealous of each other because they compare themselves with each other,” says 26-year-old Vinay Sharma. “They know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, which highlights their own shortcomings. It is insecurity which provokes them to think this way.” But it is a healthy feeling, he says.

As we grow older and watch our friends walk away with the laurels that we once battled for, we feel pain. The more we realise our own limitations, the harder it becomes to cope with someone else’s success.

“It’s a very natural feeling. Like sibling rivalry,” says Arti Shah, who loves socialising and has a big group of friends. “I feel jealous sometimes too, but that makes you learn to accept your own limitations. And since everyone goes through it, it’s perfectly alright.”

Although we are not aware of it all the time, these negative feelings do exist at a subconscious level. It takes the right blow to bring them to the surface. They do not necessarily break bonds between friends, but they certainly create a rift, which may not be bridged ever again.

"Jealousy adds flavour to the relationship, like spice to food," says Rohit Kandoth, an IT professional. "But," he warns, "too much spice can suffocate you. It depends how maturely you handle your relationships. Every relationship has some amount of jealousy. We must manage it positively and limit it to the right extent."

The basic instinct to do better than the rest, be appreciated and win the admiration of our peers is what drives us to these feelings.

"It's not jealousy, really," says Vanita Rao, project manager at an MNC, "it’s the fear of losing your closest confidante, your soulmate. She may not have time for me once she is very successful or popular or even just married. It would leave a vacuum in my life."

Friendship and jealousy are perhaps different sides of the same coin. And you may not always win the toss.

Let’s just take it with a pinch of salt. For it’s not only in your bad times that you find out who your true friends are, it’s in the good times too.

Nikita Agarwal is treating Ria, Neena and Arti to dinner this evening.

Illustration: Lynette Menezes

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