I was 16 then and looked at the world through rose-coloured glasses. No one told me then that bringing up five kids would cost me an enormous sum of money, effort and time. Even if anyone had been concerned enough to do so, I would have told that person exactly where to go.

A few years later, as young married university students, my husband and I were in a world of our own. There was so much to see and discover out there that we could not really think about kids. I mean, we were young, wonderstruck kids ourselves.

Three more years passed in a kind of daze. We really enjoyed our university lives in a small town called Wollongong in Australia. A year later, we were in Sydney, waiting for our permanent residency. Our ticket to freedom! Or so we thought.

It was a long wait. Of course, we could not think about adding to the family with both our futures on hold. Meanwhile, I told my husband that three would be a good number, if we ever got around to it.

A year later, we were back home, fed up of waiting for a residency which did not come. We decided to come back and start a life for ourselves in Mumbai.

Landing here, I discovered my fellow countrymen had been busy. The population count was edging towards a billion. I was also going through what is called ‘people shock.’ In the afternoon in Wollongong, you could see a total of two people on the streets on a busy day. In Mumbai, I didn't even know where to start counting.

I would always wonder to myself where all these people were coming from! I was rather worried... I mean, so many of them? Who was producing all these babies?

All I could see around me were busy, busy people. Rushing to work early in the morning. Reaching home late at night. I had a difficult time figuring out when all this was happening, if you know what I mean.

The baby counter, in the meanwhile, dropped to a dismal two. I felt really guilty every time I thought about children. How can I burden my poor country because of my selfish desire to have someone who would look after me in my old age? Besides, they hardly do these days -- yours truly is an example.

And then, something worse happened. Inflation, cost cutting and right (or left) sizing! I was getting poorer by the year and trying hard to get my finances to keep pace with the rising inflation. This soon became a rather challenging exercise.

Considering my yearly raise (more of a joke, actually) and comparing it to the increasing house rent, dal chawal ka price, gas connection, telephone bills... I realise I am lucky I haven't hit the poverty line yet!

"That’s it," I told hubby one day. The child count was now one. Hubby, who was now equally frightened by the way the economy was shaping up, was quite happy with my decision.

I listen to colleagues discussing putting their kids through school and deciding on donations before they’re even born, and I think that is the last straw!

What put the nail in the coffin was a discussion I had with a close friend about her baby which is due in June. She tells me how her mom will bring up the baby for the first two years, since she cannot afford to leave her job. I am incredulous. Aren’t the first two years most important for the baby or have I got the basics wrong?

Meanwhile, someone else tells me I am well over the ‘child bearing’ age. Hmm… isn’t it nice that, these days, someone else decides pretty much everything about your life? Like the government, or your boss, or your friends and your relatives? I only wish they would bring up your baby for you too!

In the meanwhile, the counter, as you might have guessed, is now at zero. At least, till I can figure out how to sort out my life first. Excuse me, while I go feed my cat!

Anita Bora insists she might exercise a woman's prerogative and change her mind.

Illustration: Lynette Menezes

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