I thought happiness was relative. But the school of hard knocks, which many of us call life, dished out certain lessons which made me realise that it isn't happiness that is relative; rather, the things that make us happy are relative. It's funny, more so when you are in a contemplative mood, how our aspirations, and by extension our definition of happiness, keeps changing. The high-school era was one of multiple pressures all converging in one point -- grades. I used to be happy when I scored high grades in my subjects. But the happiness was fleeting, as grades in isolation did not serve any purpose. Right? So I had to 'encash' my grades, literally, as I found out later. Encashing at that point of time meant getting into a 'good' undergraduate college. And so I slogged my 'you know what' till it hurt, and netted the elusive 'good' undergraduate college. And I was happy, but again, to my increasing consternation, only fleetingly. Then something, which politically correct books call aspiration and which I grudgingly knew as ambition, plain and pure, reared its tantalising head again. And there I was burning the usual midnight oil and the occasional toast in the morning to come to the land of the Star-spangled Banner. True to the script, I came, I slogged and I got my degree. But still happiness wasn't a permanent fixture. How I wished it would be like the good old teakwood four-poster in my house, still, resolute, and most important, always there. Then I got a job, a fancy one at that, and the green bucks started flowing. Now, I thought, the slippery happy fairy would stick around. Yet again I was proved wrong. Finally I gave up and decided that instead of doing something all the time, I wouldn't do anything at all. Well, not exactly, I did the next best thing and took a break and decided to fly down to a place with lots of sun and sand. On the flight, I met a person whose could barely walk or use his hands. Yet, there he was, exploring things and enjoying everything around him without a care in the world. Something within me snapped. I had always, as far as I could remember, been in perfect health, had a good job, had all the trappings of success, but I did not have one thing that person had -- Contentment. Somewhere down the line, it dawned on the 'always winning' me, I had almost forgotten I had a loving family and great friends. Wracked with guilt after countless lame-duck justifications, which fell as soon as they were built, I had to admit that they weren't 'visible' because they weren't perceived to be 'achievements' in the sense my life had turned out to be. So, here I was, surrounded by people who loved me, and whom I also equally loved, but had taken completely for granted. I was shaken to the roots. That's when I decided that I'd had enough of 'achieving', and it was time for some fun, frolic and bonding. Now, I have fun, and don't run around for achieving targets. I take life as a rollercoaster ride. It may be scary when you are up there, but hey it is fun when you think back about it. And yes, happiness now is more like the old teak bed in my house. Bama Ranganathan now takes life as it comes Illustration: Uttam Ghosh Tell us what you think of this diary Be part of an exciting venture! Write a Diary!
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