Dear N, The other day you asked for some advice. You wanted to know what a married woman like me has for you, whose D-day is round the corner. I gave your request serious thought. And here is what I came up with: ten pointers that will come in handy through the next few years of 'marital bliss'. Remember, the 'bliss' is totally in your hands, as you will soon discover! 1: Answering the doorbell No price for guessing who gets to do this exciting task. Be ready to open the door to the newspaperman at 6am, milkman at 7am and the bai at 8am. Meanwhile, hubby dearest will be either asleep or feigning it. Stay cool, you need to get to work early and it's good practice for you. 2: Buying vegetables This is not really hubby's cuppa tea. So swallow yours quickly -- cup of tea, I mean -- and run for sabzi. The exercise will educate you on the relationship between the price of veggies and inflation. Also, you will become a pro at haggling, a much needed talent in today's marketplace. 3: Soaking clothes You could find laundry scattered all over the floor. If you ask him whether the clothes will sprout wings and land up in the bucket, notice the expression of innocence. It usually translates to: "You mean someone has to put them there?" Stay calm. Remember, you're getting valuable practice in the laundry department. 4: Folding clothes Unless your hubby is an exceptional man, you will notice that folding and putting away clothes does not hold his interest. He would, like mentioned in Point 3, expect them to go lie in the cupboard, neatly folded, all by themselves... Folding clothes is fun once you force yourself to get used to it, I dare say. 5: Making the bed This is a task the whole of 'mankind' just loathes! Watch his jaw drop when you suggest that he take up the chore: "But I did make the bed for you twice last year..." Do not get annoyed. Just make it yourself quickly. You need bed-making practice too. 6: Running errands, shopping etc This will not happen with you right away. But it definitely will, give it a little time! Whenever it's time to run an errand or pay a bill, hubby will develop acute forgeticitis. He will promise to do it the next day, quoting lack of time/energy or both. Prior to the knot-tying exercise, it is usually "Where can I drop you?", "What time should I pick you up?" and "Can I come with you?" This will now change to: "But you're a liberated, self-sufficient woman." And that, as you know, is another way of saying: "Do it yourself." There are, of course, advantages to shopping alone. For one, you can splurge on yourself. You can also watch newly married couples walk by -- hand-in-hand, naturally -- and think with grim satisfaction: "Wait till you get where I am!" 7: Spending time together Before marriage you just couldn't have waited to see each other. Time was a most precious commodity, of which you never had enough. Well, after marriage, you will still find you don't have enough time. Because, getting through Points 1 to 6 takes up all that you can spare! Hubby, meanwhile, is busy testing his new computer game, not to be disturbed till evening. That leaves you the whole of Sunday morning (cleaning) and evening all to yourself. Stay cool, he still loves you. Besides, such 'space' is very much needed in a relationship! 8: Cooking I think the lesser said about this the better. But if you don't want to spend much of your married life in the kitchen it is advisable to get a lifesaver -- a cook, I mean. I have heard many friends cry about how they are stuck in the kitchen, but still avoid this simple solution. In general (except for chefs in hotels, I am told) men are averse to cooking. So are many women I know, especially when it has to be done on a daily basis. So just make a few 'surprises' once in a while. As for the rest, take hired help. That will also reduce the tendency to compare your culinary skills with that of his mom's: "I know two women who cook the best chicken -- mom and you, of course!" 9: Talking, listening... At the courting stage, he will hang on to your every word. Promises like "Of course I will give up smoking for you, darling" are common then. But later you find out that he had forgotten to add, "...after I turn 50". Selective hearing will certainly develop, which will probably drive you crazy. Try and concentrate on how you are developing into a patient and mature individual. 10: Breaking down Before marriage, hubby will offer you his shoulder to cry on. But afterwards, it is usually an incredulous look and an irritated "How can you cry over a little thing like that?" Remember at this point not to show any irritation. If you do, please apologise immediately. Be the bigger person. As you might have noticed, my basic advice to you is to stay calm. That will help you because I know that despite all that I have said, all the well-documented evidence that should convince you to the contrary, you are going to go ahead and take that extreme step -- just like I did, ignoring my mother's pleas, when I was 23. Anyway, welcome aboard. We should definitely have a talk two years down the line! Best wishes. Your ever-patient-calm-and-cool friend, Anita Anita Bora claims this diary is no leaf out of her personal life. Tell us what you think of this diary Be part of an exciting venture! Write a Diary!
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