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Hemanth Kumar G |
After some profound and purposeful scratching of my tummy, I drifted off in the evening and dreamed myself a nice dream. A princess in white came riding on a white pony. I tried spotting the difference between her ponytail and the pony's tail. There was none. Maybe that was a mistake, because it turned into a nightmare after that. The pony became a broom, the princess a witch. She parked the broom, took my alarm clock, and held it over my ears. "Ignore it, it must be in the dream," some rational part of my sleepy mind told me. It was not. The ringing became more persistent. I realised it was the phone. Must be my mom with another marriage proposal. She had been chasing me for the last two months. She wanted me to marry a distant uncle's village-born daughter. I had said no. I wanted a city lass. In fact, I had even made up my mind about whom to marry. I was fully awake now. It was 7.15 pm. I got up cursing just about every device that mankind has invented to complicate my simple life. I stumbled at the first step on my left shoe that was near the bed and fell down. The symmetry seeker that I am, I looked around for its counterpart. The room was dark. I did not find it. The phone continued to shrill. I crawled to it, rubbing my ankle. It was the Chosen One. "WHATEVER took you so long?" she demanded. "WHATEVER made you want to speak to me now?" I wanted to scream, but ended up saying, "Oh, haaai Anoooo, it is sooo nice to hear from you. Sorry, I was in the bathroom." "So you are getting ready. Good! I just called to say that you don't have to pick me up. I have some work that side. I'll finish it and come over to your place in 15 minutes. Then we can go." "Go?! Where?" was what I wanted to ask. I managed, "Uhh! Ooh! Okay. Cool." "Okay then, bye!" she hung up. Still perplexed, I racked my sleepy brain for the reason why. Then the gravity of the situation struck me. I had intended to propose to Anu today! Part of that devious plot included a romantic dinner. Now why the heck had I decided to do it on a Saturday evening? Ah, I had fixed it without realising the day of the week! It was not that I loved her any less. I loved my Saturday nap more. But now that I was already up, it was fruitless to cancel the date. I had wanted to rehearse every move and word for this evening, but in my usual fashion I had kept putting it off. Now there was no time. It had to be today. Because tomorrow my friend Ramaswamy had a date with her and planned to propose to her. He had told me so. I was his friend. And I had told him my plan too. That's how we males are, you know. I decided that I might as well prepare for it as best as I can. I needed to at least look the part of a suitor. I panned the room and took an inventory of things -- rather, of things that were not there. First, I needed clean clothing. I had worn my last pair two days ago. Then I needed soap and shampoo for a bath. Fortunately, those were available in abundance because of my frequent disuse. If you want to take offence at the fact that I do not bathe every day, I can only say that I go for it only when I feel dirty. And in Delhi you don't feel dirty too often in winter. But at 7.20 pm on this fateful Saturday, I felt dirty. I wanted a bath. There was soap, shampoo and water waiting... but no time! Against what they had taught me at management school, I decided to attack the symptoms rather than the problem. I had to think of the body parts that would give away my status. Face, certainly. Hair, armpits... yes, that should do. Now, I had to find a shirt. Of course there were no clean ones. Which meant that I had to do a quick-fix -- read, tackle the underarm areas of a chosen shirt. Time was running out. I got my drier to take care of my partly wet shirt. And that was when the door swung open and Anu sauntered in. She has this knack for catching you unawares. This was the second time she was doing so this evening -- and the evening had only begun. She saw my messy room. She saw me dripping water. She saw me crumbled shirt in hand, my hair uncombed. She saw perfect husband material! She could take me into her life and teach me how not to live like a pig. There could have been no other explanation for her not storming out. She lifted her eyebrows, crinkled her nose. Then she went about picking up things and putting them away where I had not a chance of finding them. That was when I faltered in my purpose. Did I really want this? Magnanimity welled in my heart. Providence had decreed that she should be Ramaswamy's wife. Who am I to challenge it? I immediately decided that falling in love with an enlightened, educated girl is too much of a pain. I picked up the phone and invited Ramaswamy to dine with us.
That night, after dropping off a sullen Anu and grateful Ramaswamy, I called my mom in Madras. I wanted to know whether that uncle was still interested in giving away his daughter to me.
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