Shivering with every vibration of his body, the little droplet clung to his skin tumultuously for a few more seconds. Then, as we began to shake more, it rolled down. Fat and sluggish, it made straight for me. I inched back. My back crushed someone's stomach. He grunted in my ear and returned my push. I moved my foot forward, trying to keep my balance. The droplet was almost on me. My arm scraped another's unshaven cheek as I twisted. I too hate shaving, but to actually rest your arm on a stubbly cheek is hell. The man behind me grunted again and put his hand on his chest. I felt his ring press against my backbone. I hate that, hate married men with fat gaudy rings -- why can't they just make do with a simple band? And then... uh-oh! It left its hold on the man's sweaty skin. It fell. Onto my clean white shirt! I hate travelling on local trains in Bombay. If being tall, thin and ungainly aren't bad enough, I also had to be a middle-class bloke who has to travel by suburban trains. To begin with, I can see the top of everyone's head. Another way to put that is: every now and then someone buries his pate in my face. Lice, dandruff and cheap hair oil are just a few things that I have resigned to have my face scrubbed with. The only worse thing I can think of is being a shortie. In which case you are forced to bury your face in somebody's armpit. I seldom get my shirts ironed. Because by the time you manage to get a handhold, your tucked-in shirt would have come out. If you want to make your way inside, into relative safety, you have to use every known and unknown muscle in your body. Result: a free, full, and extremely unpleasurable body massage Personally I feel the positions I have discovered while trying to park my feet and other body parts in a train would shame Kamasutra. First class and second class compartments follow two different, unspoken set of rules. In the first, a seat holds exactly three people. In second class four people fit in, and two others stand in between the seats. In first class if someone is standing on your toe you look at him and say 'Tsk'. In second class, you push him away and then systematically abuse everyone in his family including his dog. In first class compartments everyone is an Individual. So you can have a heart attack there and no one will offer you a seat. In second class, a bandage on your finger can earn you a seat. A beggar who enters a first class compartment generally sweeps the floor. Second class travellers get to rub shoulders with all sorts of beggars (blind, deaf, fat, thin, old, young...) and hear flautists and singers. They even get to buy pens on board. But first or second, if you board a Virar local planning to get down in Andheri, you will not get down there. They won't let you. That is the Virar mafia at work. Also common are card players. These guys are mostly from Dalal Street. They bunch up, eat four packets of Manikchand gutka, shout, laugh, slap each other on the back and generally make a nuisance of themselves. I was reading this book on time management, wherein this guru speaks about breathing exercises and meditation while travelling to work. If he ever comes to Bombay I would like to take him for a ride. On a local train, I mean. And then, with him hanging out of the door near me, I would like to go over those exercises he advocates... Sometimes I wonder why I like this city so much. The roads are traffic-choked. Travelling in a train is like being raped at an orgy. The price of real estate is sky-high. The food is bad. There is no quality of life... I still love the city. I think Bombay is like junk food. You know it doesn't do you any good, but you enjoy it anyway. Now I better hurry... or I'll miss my train. Debutant scriptwriter Suparn Verma plans to buy a car when his first movie, shaadi.com, gets filmed. Illustration: Dominic Xavier Tell us what you think of this diary
HOME | NEWS | CRICKET | MONEY | SPORTS | MOVIES | CHAT | BROADBAND | TRAVEL ASTROLOGY | NEWSLINKS | BOOK SHOP | MUSIC SHOP | GIFT SHOP | HOTEL BOOKINGS AIR/RAIL | WEDDING | ROMANCE | WEATHER | WOMEN | E-CARDS | SEARCH HOMEPAGES | FREE MESSENGER | FREE EMAIL | CONTESTS | FEEDBACK