It is a boy! The pregnant anticipation is finally over. You do not at once realise the full implication of your new status, this multifaceted state of parenthood. But soon it sinks in and you mould yourself into your role. Days pass by. You learn to discern the shades of meaning in your baby's cries. You know when it is the one of hunger, discomfort, pain, and when it is a demand to be carried. You avidly devour every bit of information about childcare, just in case your elders have forgotten to fill you up on something. And each achievement of the infant is discussed threadbare with all who care to listen. And so, the day comes when your bundle of joy is ready for school. You wince a little but keep smiling when he returns home and tells you: "You are wrong, my teacher said that it is not that way." Someone else, you tell yourself, has intruded into your child's realm. The next thing you know, he is a 10-year-old with a mind of his own. He wants to do 'his own thing', is defiant, questions your authority, and is generally disgruntled. You blame the troublesome hormones. "It will pass," you console yourself. You celebrate his 13th birthday and announce his entry into the world of teens with gay abandon, oblivious to what his unwinding personality has in store for you. He turns so secretive that you feel like a stranger. His friends dominate his conscious and subconscious thoughts. His sense of values revolves around that of his friends. Loud music is the in-thing. You dare not expect him to tidy his bedroom. If you do -- well, you asked for it. "Ignore it," your friends, experienced in the ways of parenthood, advice. "He will grow out of it." "But his room is an unholy mess!" "Learn to overlook it," they repeat. "I have no clothes to wear!" Sounds familiar? It's absolutely futile to remind him about his bursting wardrobe. So resist that temptation, turn a deaf ear... Once your darling enters junior college you are in for big trouble. Perish the thought of ever using the phone again. Your boy is suddenly very popular; every call that comes in is for him! The moment he enters the university, you need to brace yourself powerfully. Ten to one, you won't recognise the alien creature that will emerge from the intellectual recesses of that prestigious institution. If your child has a sensible peer group, thank your stars. If he is not on booze, don't get too excited -- he maybe on drugs. But relax, it is only a passing phase. He will soon outgrow it together with his mania for late-night movies, parties and discos. And, oh, prepare yourself to be told, "You are so old-fashioned and stuffy." Often, you will find his barbs unbearable. Much has been said about child abuse. Parent abuse can be extremely traumatising. You are belittled, insulted, mentally tortured. Yes, you are an adult and are supposed to take it in your stride, but still... Sometimes reasoning helps. Sometimes it doesn't. Many are the folks who get this complex that others consider them unsatisfactory parents. Even the educated, enlightened parent, in the face of his offspring's bewildering behaviour, finds himself floundering. He fails to understand what went wrong. What did -- or didn't -- he do? If this is how even educated parents feel, can you imagine the trauma of illiterate mothers and fathers? Has your child entered his twenties? Then he is graduating not only at college but in life too. He is more stable, confident, mature, sensible and sensitive. Give him a year or two and he will wonder how he behaved the way he did. Everything that goes up has to come down, so says the law of gravity, remember? You can start relying on him now. A decade on, maybe earlier than that, he will tread the same path as you did. Be sure you are there for him with precious advice. Caroline D'Souza has survived bringing up three children. Tell us what you think of this diary
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