Le loon kya, Internet? Roadshows can be real fun. Especially when you are watching from the sidelines. As an infotech reporter I get to endure many product launch sessions at one fancy hotel or the other. With boring presentations and extremely sketchy information, these sometimes become dreadful assignments. So when Pacific Internet India promised to launch its Web access service with clowns, stilt walkers, jugglers and balloon twisters it sounded great. Definitely much more exciting than a listening to a bunch of stuffed shirts. But, leaning against the canary yellow Pacific van parked right opposite Podar college, one of Bombay's more happening commerce institutions, I was terribly disappointed. None of the promised fun-people were around. Just a solitary clown sitting on a short brick wall at the end of the road, known as katta to college regulars. My disappointment must have shown. For the guys in charge explained: "The stilt walker has gone for a break. He can't stand still when he's on the stilts and he can't walk all the time. He'll be back soon." I spent an hour there, but the stilt walker failed to turn up. And there was no carnival atmosphere as the advertisements promised. An executive from the advertising agency concerned tried to put things right. "Its not our fault. We have to take permission from so many people, the BMC, the traffic police," he whispered. "And then if we make too much noise there is a chance that the residents may complain. We did have a small problem outside Akbarally's," he added. Which kind of explained why the show was so low-key. Muted music and a few college kids walking up to the stall that Pacific had temporarily set up didn't make the place look any too hot. But the canary yellow Internet packages on display were quite eye-catching. Being part of the press does offer you some privileges, one of which I decided to cash in on. "Can I open a pack to see what's inside?" I asked Shabana Sheik, a Pacific executive. "Sure," she said, handing one to me. It comprised a sling bag, a heart-shaped mouse pad and a wrist pouch along with a Net access CD. And hidden away below these were Polo mints and a sachet of Nestle coffee and creamer! Before I could ask her what these were doing in an Internet package, I got the answer. "We wanted to launch our product in a different way," Shabana gushed. "In Singapore when we launched our services we distributed our CDs along with two bananas. We thought since everyone like bananas it would be nice marketing idea." I turned away smiling, just in time to catch an elderly gentleman asking one of the Pacific boys: "Will you send someone to my house and have them install the CD? You see, I don't know anything about installing this pack." As he hobbled off with a 10-hour access pack I heard him murmuring, "Certain things we must know for ourselves. Theory doesn't help. We have to do things for ourselves." Pacific Internet, a Singapore based company holds 49 per cent stake in a joint venture with the Thakral group of companies. Curious about the Indian partner's contribution I snooped around a bit. "Well, we don't ever see the Indian guys. We are always talking to the team that's come down from Singapore. Everything is done and organised by the Singapore team. Probably the Indian guys are just silent partners," an insider revealed. Sure enough, the Singapore connection showed! In marketing a technical product as a lifestyle one, for instance. It's the easiest way to hook the types who love to own stuff because everyone else does or because there seems to be so much hype about it. To prove this point I reproduce faithfully a conversation between a 40-something pot-bellied dad on scooter and his 10-ish chubby son. Dad picking up one of the bright yellow Net pack: "Le loon kya? [Shall we buy it?] " Smart son: "Daddy, Yeh Internet connection hai. [Daddy this is an Internet connection]. " Dad, missing the point: "To kya? [So what?] " Son: "Daddy, computer nahin hai to Internet connection nahi chalega. [It is no use if you don't have a computer.] " A brief pause, and Daddy starts the scooter. "Theek hai baad mein Internet lenge." [Okay, we will buy Internet later.] The 'lifestyle' marketing did seem to hit a chord with the students. The sling bags and the free cassettes of latest movies like Phir Bhi Dil Hain Hindustani and Dil Hi Dil Mein seemed to be why the students wanted to buy the package. "Can I see the sling bag that you are giving?" asked a boy. "Yeah, sure. But we are not giving the bag separately. It comes with the Internet connection," explained Shabana. "Okay. But I still want to see the bag. I want a sling bag, if I like the one you are giving I will buy the connection and then sell it to my friend here who anyway needs one," persisted the boy. As Shabana opened up a package and held up the sling bag in it, the boy's disappointment was obvious. "Oh! This is not the kind I was looking for. Anyway, thanks." Even before I could finish taking that in, a girl with two plaits walked up to buy a 100-hour package. Her only condition was that the cassette inside it be changed and she be given an extra mouse pad! VSNL, MTNL, Satyam and all such others please note: There's no better lure than freebies. Especially of the kind that appeal to the 20-somethings who form the biggest chunk of Net users. Roadshows comprise all kinds of people: giggly teenagers who are hanging out there just because it's better than sitting in lectures, nursery kids who ask for the package because the bright yellow colour catches their eye, elderly gentleman who walk two kilometres just to try out for themselves what their grandsons are talking about all the time -- and of course reporters who hang around in the background waiting for their share of excitement. And I did get my share of excitement from a small fight that suddenly brewed. He looked like any other customer when he walked up to the stall. In fact, I didn't even notice him buying the package. My attention was drawn when I heard his loud voice. "I will report you all to the police," he was saying. "You are cheating customers. Is this the way you do business? I will file a cheating case against you. You are making a fool out of the public." Shabana whispered to me what the problem was. "We had said in our ads that we were offering a Lotus millennium CD. Now when we told him that it's not there he is furious." The yelling continued, "You people don't know how to do business. I will make sure everyone knows about this. I will go to the papers. I will make it impossible for you to continue here." Vijay, the sales in-charge, remained calm. "Just listen to whatever he has say. He has been planted by the competition, you know." Priya Ganapati spends a frightening amount of time, and money, on the Net.
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