I was restless, tense and impatient. I rubbed my hands, shifted my position, and tried to read a book. I didn't know why I was so nervous. After all, I was not going to meet a monster but a woman. But this woman was a sex worker. I was going to talk to a sex worker for the first time in my life. I had seen their pictures; I had seen them on television. I tried to visualise how she would look. Garishly-dressed she would be, with dark red lipstick, flowers in her hair, chewing paan... Before I could think any further the door opened. A lady entered. For a second, I was stunned. She couldn't be a sex worker; she could be a person working in an office! Behind her was a man. "This is Sandhya," he introduced. Sandhya said namaste, flashing a wide smile. I looked at her in disbelief. My face was too transparent. She laughed aloud. "Why do you look so surprised? Yes, madam, I am a sex worker," she said. I forced a smile and returned her namaste. Sandhya was beautiful. She must have been in her late 20s. She was tall and dark with big black eyes. Her lovely figure was accentuated by the plain grey synthetic sari she wore. She wore no lipstick, no bindi. Her hair was tied casually. Her eyes sparkled like diamonds. And she had a lovely smile, which she flashed all the time. She definitely wasn't true to the image I had of a sex worker. What were your dreams when you were young? It was a cruel question to ask. But Sandhya began her answer with another smile. "I grew up in a small village in Tamil Nadu. When my father arranged my marriage to a useless fellow, I refused to get married. I had dreams of making it big in the film industry. I wanted good and expensive clothes, a house, a car and lots of jewellery. "You know," she continued, "Indian films give you wrong ideas, wrong, improbable dreams. I was a fool to believe that I could be a film actress and become rich. But I was not fool enough to believe that the fellow I was going to marry would provide all comforts to me. I was forcibly married off. Do you think I remained in his dingy house, cleaning utensils and washing his dirty clothes?" Yes, she ran away to the world of dreams. She reached Madras. Unfortunately she did not become an actress. She became a cabaret dancer instead. "My work, sorry my duty, starts only at 6 in the evening. After the dance somebody would call us dancers to their rooms. Or they would give you their address. So my work extends up to 12 in the night or till early morning. I enjoy every minute of it. See, you drink a lot and dance, forgetting the whole world!" Sandhya was laughing as she said this. Does your family know that you are doing this? "See, I am the bread-winner of my family. As long as I bring in good money, they respect and obey me. I know human psychology. Everyone in my house act as if they do not know what I do. "I make Rs 500 to Rs 1,000 a day. I have a huge mansion and two flats in my name. I have saved a lot of money. I have married off my three elder brothers and a younger sister. "But I have decided against having a baby. If you get pregnant, you will not look young. So I have decided to maintain my body to attract men. I want to be young and attractive till my last days, and I want to give enjoyment to men till my last breath. "I have helped several of my relatives to start businesses. I helped my sister and brother to go for higher studies. What more can one do? I feel very happy to do so much for them. My happiness is mainly because they listen to me and won't do anything against my wishes," she said. You go out with so many men. They use your body. Don't you feel bad? "Oh madam! Why should I feel bad? I get such a lot of money. They give me excellent liquor. They buy first class food. So why should I complain? If I sit at home will anyone give me such food? "Tell me, how many dresses has your husband bought for you? Maybe one in a year. Am I right? These men adore me. They take me to shops and ask lovingly, how many dresses do you want, darling? Do you want a cool drink, darling? Do you want a beer, darling?" Sandhya couldn't control her laughter. She laughed so much that tears rolled down. "If I had led a normal, married life what would have happened to me? My husband would have given a little money and asked me to manage the house. If I had asked for extra money, he would have started scolding me for my extravagance. "On top of that, I would have had to listen to my mother-in-law's abuses. Now men call me 'darling' all the time! I feel so proud when they act like dogs. All of them are so eager to please me. Ha! This is life!" She talked for more than half an hour, most of the time laughing raucously. As she got up to leave, she thanked me for listening to her. "Madam," she said, "haven't you heard vegetable vendors shouting, 'Carrot, tomato, brinjal for sale!' We are also like that, like vegetables. The only difference is that we cannot shout loudly, 'Woman's body, woman's body for sale!'" She was still laughing as the door closed behind her. Madras-based Shobha Warrier specialises in human interest features. Tell us what you think of this diary
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