Good God, Morning! I painfully crawled out of bed. Good morning, God! I drawled. Sleepwalking, I laboriously traversed space and time and finally got to the bathroom. I shuffled around, uneasy and heavy-eyed. Freeze. My droopy eyes found accidental focus on the tiled floor. What I saw there made me wish I had never looked. A good three-centimetre-long cockroach looked up at me, antennae erect. I was wide awake now, my human antennae activated. But one moment! I bent over, peering closely. This Roach was different. This Roach had something white and furry on its back. Feathers! I hypothesised. Oh my god! I thought. Oh My God! I prayed. OH MY GOD! I panicked. Roaches always make me feel weak. Flying ones, with regular wings and additional feathers, make me feel unfairly vulnerable. No, I wasn't hallucinating. No, I wasn't drunk. Yes, I had my glasses on. Yes, I was petrified. Those were definitely feathers. This was a species I had never seen. This was a species I didn't ever want to see again. I stood cemented to the tiles. This was a trespassing Roach. And trespassing Roaches should be stomped on. It was time to wage a brutal war. Roach versus Human. Let the bout begin. Love All. We faced each other for a few seconds. I had my options very clear. Either I fight or I fly. But I wasn't going to fly without a fight. Roach advanced menacingly. I flew. One Love. I flew to the nearest weapon. Something that Hits pesky Roaches. I shook the can vigorously. I tiptoed to the bathroom. I didn't want to warn my opponent. I was determined to win this round. I was determined to win this match. I've lost too often. This morning, I wasn't going to. Into the bathroom I stepped. My pesky opponent waited. I stood some two feet away. And sprayed with all my might. I was going to down my opponent. Even if it meant having to empty whatever was left of the foul-smelling Roach-repellent. Roach tottered. Human triumphed. One All. Roach was one tough opponent. Roach advanced, tottering, towards Human. Human jumped out of human skin. Human flew yet again. Two One. Bang! Went the door. The bolt snapped into place. I left my opponent to suffocate in the puff of repellent. Two All. I stood outside, minus the weapon. I was going to wait for the right moment. After what seemed like an eternity, I gently unlatched the door. I didn't want to warn my opponent. I was determined to win this round. I was determined to win this match. I've lost too often. This morning, I wasn't going to. I poked my head into the bathroom. No sign of Roach. I put my whole body into the bathroom. Still no sign of Roach. My vile opponent was going to play rough. Roach was conniving and manipulating his moves to down Human. Human knew. Human waited. Roach zipped out from a crevice in the wood. Tatabyebye bathroom. Weaponless Human flew yet again. Three Two. Human flew. Roach flew after Human. Human flew to the other end of Human's room. Roach flew under Human's bed. And stayed there. Drat! That wasn't fair. I wasn't going to get down on all fours and crawl under my bed to go after Roach. I know I like to be face-to-face with any opponent, but nose-to-antennae is a little difficult to deal with. And besides, this opponent had feathers. Horror. The score stood Three Two in favour of Roach. I retired hurt. Ego hurt, that is. I decided that I'd enough of these pesky flying Roaches. I decided to do something about it. I was going to write a letter to the Authorities. I began. Dear God, On a regular day, I'd begin with thanking you for the lovely life you gave me, for the wonderful sunrise and the wonderful sunset. But today, after I've lost to Roach, I'm not going to waste time. I'm going to get straight to the point. You know, you made Roach with six legs and two antennae and, in a lot of cases, with four wings. Sometimes even with feathered wings. And you made me, Human, with two legs and two hands. You know, that puts me at a serious disadvantage. You know, I'm scared silly of anything that has than more than two legs. You know, that makes me have to rely on some silly puff of foul smelling something to have to deal with your powerful creation. You know, I'm a wee bit tired of having to do that. I suppose requesting You to make Human with six legs and wings (feathered ones are optional), would require You to painstakingly remake a mould that is X-trillion years old. This, I'm sure, would require too much effort from an already very busy God. But come to think of it, now that I ponder on the concern of remodelling, Human doesn't think Human would like to look anything like a pesky Roach with weird antennae and even weirder big saucer-like eyes and weirdest still anorexic thin hairy legs. So, that would mean that You make Roach more like Human, with fewer legs and no wings. But then again, that would require You to painstakingly remake Roach's X-trillion year old mould. Come to think of it, now that I ponder on the concern of remodelling, I don't think Roach would want to strip himself off his powerful frightening exterior and look anything like a meek Human with spectacles and curly ponytails. Sigh. So I suppose, the easiest thing to do would be for me to get down on all fours and crawl under my bed with the foul smelling Roach-repellent, and spray with all my might. And suffocate in the puff of repellent. Sigh. Sorry for wasting your time in idle chatter. And Thank You for listening. I shall not bother you for a while. Promise. Yours in repeatedly anguished defeat, Human. PS: Sigh. The next day, out with the previous day's kachara, came my vile opponent. Dead. Eeeeeeeyahahahahahahaha!!! Triumph Human, Triumph. And we thought Bhavna Giani's recent fondness for Mr Hit was about romance! Tell us what you think of this diary
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