Lucknow looked lush and green from the air. "It will naturally be green, man! You are in the Gangetic plain," said my friend. The river that was visible was not the Ganga, but the Gomti. The landing was superb. We never knew when the wheels touched down. If the people in Lucknow were anything like the lady at the UP tour counter, I was going to love my stay here. Our taxi driver insisted on speaking in English even when we spoke to him in Hindi. Surprising, because he did not know to read or write even Hindi. He told us that he had worked in Bombay in the Premier Padmini plant in Kurla before it closed down. Driving in, I was reminded of my boarding school and its surroundings in Devlali, Maharashtra. I soon found out why. Lucknow, like Devlali, is a cantonment town. We stayed in the UP government's tourist hotel, Gomti. The infrastructure was good, but the cook was bad. The people at the front desk took themselves to be high-ranking officers, not mere receptionists. Cycle-rickshaws are the favourite mode of transport in Lucknow. The men and women sat like begums and nawabs. Auto-rickshaws are rare but we found one near our hotel. His name was Sattar Baksh. He was very helpful. Whenever we were in hurry, he flew past all red signals. For him his customer was god and to hell with the traffic cops. Incidentally, the traffic cops here wear white. Must be tough staying clean in all the pollution. The roads are wide and the traffic heavy. There are palaces everywhere. Locals say that in Uttar Pradesh you can find a nawab every 4 km. Most of the palaces are run-down. The Gomti looked quite dirty but I decided to take a plunge. My driver took me there. I found a lot of buffaloes in the water. I went back and made the driver take me somewhere else. Dhobhis were washing clothes there. I told one to keep an eye on my clothes. He said, ''I will keep an eye on both you and the clothes.'' I wondered why he said that. I stepped into the water. It was very slushy. I took another step. It was slushier. I took another step and vanished into the water. It was very deep. I understood what the man meant by keeping an eye on me. I surfaced and saw him looking in my direction. Seeing me, at ease, he carried on with his washing. There are very few internet booths in Lucknow .They are very expensive and very slow. So you will end up paying Rs 200 for checking your mail. Whoever said that email is the fastest, and moderately cheap, form of communication had certainly not visited Lucknow. When the chief minister passes, traffic in the city stops for two minutes. This is a nice change from some states in the South where traffic stops for half an hour. Speaking about politicians, one in 10 cars in Lucknow have a blue light on top. One in 25 have red lights. And they make a lot of noise. Kalyan Singh, the chief minister, loves to crack jokes about his immediate neighbour Laloo Prasad Yadav. Wonder if he would do it in the presence of the rustic Yadav. Don't think so -- but Laloo definitely would in Kalyan Singh's presence. Lucknow is famous for its kurtas. You cannot bargain in the shops here. You just refuse to buy and walk out. They always call you back. The transport system here is good. The Vikrams (modified autos) carry eight people. They are cheap. The government buses are damn nice too. They actually halt at every bus stop and call out to people. What a difference from Bombay, Madras and Delhi where drivers normally just change gears at the stops! Amethi and Rae Bareili are all within an hour or two from Lucknow by road. When you reach Amethi you wonder if it was really Rajeev Gandhi's constituency. It is horrible like some village in the wilderness. To Rae Bareili, the roads are good but if you go into the interior there are only stone roads. They forgot to tar/cement them. They have been lying like this for a decade now. Surprising that nobody has carried off the stones to build houses. But then, the villagers are innocent out here. Lucknow was famous for its mujra dancers in the good old days. I asked my auto-man Sattar about it. "Sahab it has been officially banned. You can see them in Paharganj now but the women are dirty, they don't know to dance." I was happy to find out that the original dancers were considered good women. And good dancers. You cannot leave Lucknow without tasting chaat -- paani puri to Bombayites. It is very good and very cheap hereabouts. Imagine four puris for Rs 2. The flight out was late. When I was in the air I felt sad. Sad that in 10 days I had not heard a single sher or Urdu couplet... A Ganesh Nadar returned to his tiny village in Tamil Nadu yesterday.
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