Egmore station in Madras was unique in the days of the metre gauge. You could drive up right to the train compartment, since the road ran through the station. This uniqueness has been lost in the broad gauge section. I hear this is still possible in a station in Kashmir but I have never been there. I wish the planners of the broad gauge section had preserved the uniqueness of Egmore but probably that is asking too much of the Indian Railways. We just have to be happy we have a broad gauge route. The first person you meet when you exit the railway station is the autorickshaw man. He is guaranteed to make you wish you never came to Madras in the first place. Many meters are doctored. They always reach their destination in a round-about way, if you are new to the city. And you have to pay him over and above the meter. If you have luggage, then god help you, for you are entirely at their mercy. There are no cabs in Madras, and buses don't allow luggage. All over the country, bus conductors come to you. In Madras, however, the conductor sits at the back, and you have to go to him. A wise Madrasi once quipped that the job should be reserved for the handicapped as they can be excused from moving around. The month of May and early June is extremely hot in Madras. Plus, electricity comes and goes as it pleases. One hour in the sun and you realise why Madrasis are dark-skinned. But I still haven't figured out how Tamil Brahmins are fair despite living under the same sun. The release of the 19 accused in the Rajiv Gandhi murder case has shocked most locals. Apart from Defence Attorney Doraisamy and the stern Tamil Desiya Iyakkam leader P Nedumaran, the rest are simply confused. Surprisingly, no political leader has thought it fit to comment on the release. Kargil seems very far away from here. As far as this city is concerned, Kosovo and Kargil are the same. But the situation changed overnight when two Tamilians soldiers were killed there. Now everybody blames army intelligence and George Fernandes. Bombs are once again making the rounds in Tamil Nadu after a break of a year. The bombs have been placed in order to hurt the police. Chief Minister M Karunanidhi has promptly blamed the ISI and linked it to events in Kargil. But, to cause trouble here the ISI would have chosen civilian targets, not cops. Can't pass through Madras without noticing that June 3 is the chief minister's birthday. Every road has huge hoardings wishing him on the occasion. And every board has the name of the guy who painted it. How this benefits the common man I do not know. Karunanidhi, of course, swears by austerity. I am sure he hasn't noticed the amount of paint and boards that have been used up for his birthday. Luckily nobody is running on fire, rolling around on leaves or standing on one toe, all 'normal' Tamil custom. Kalpana House belongs to an actress from another era. It is huge and vast. The furniture is exquisite, well-carved. There are paintings on every wall. The lawn outside is huge. Now an electricity generator bus stands outside. A movie is being shot inside. We are here to meet actress Devyani. My photographer is thrilled when the hero, Parthiban, recognises him. Devyani's mom welcomes us, and tells us to sit. She then goes to sleep on a huge bed while the shooting goes on continuously for four hours. Devyani finally arrives. After listening patiently she tells us to meet her some other time. My photographer is livid: "You should've told her -- it was her mother who called us and made us wait." You think she'll wake her mother up to verify our story, I ask. Mahahalipuram is just an hour and a half's drive from Madras. The road is fantastic. The buses simply fly over them. The shore temple, the five raths and the lighthouse are good but they look incomplete. The restaurants have fancy names like Gazebo, Papillon etc. But the service is very slow, since the tourists have all the time in the world. In Mahabalipuram, the temple, museum all open at 9 am but the wine shop opens at 7 am! Perhaps lovers of spirits rise earlier than aficionados of Art. At the seashore there is a board -- 'deadly sea, do not bathe here'. Surprisingly, nobody bathes here. I have never seen people so well-behaved. The largest retailers in India of cloth, vessels and gold are in Madras. Not in the commercial capital Bombay or in the political capital Delhi. Why? Well, the Bombay and Delhi crowds spend their money on hotels and entertainment. The Madras crowd likes to fill up their homes. Well, each to his own. Marina is the longest and probably the cleanest beach in India. You can see joggers here morning and evening, and lovers throughout the day. The Marina's beauty is only spoilt the day political meetings are held, the rest of the year it is beautiful. If you watch the news on Tamil channels like Doordarshan, Sun, Vijay and Raj, you will realise the only constants are Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha, even during the World Cup. But cricket fever has caught on in Madras. You can see crowds wherever there is a television set. The discussions are animated and sometimes violent. The expensive over that Agarkar bowled in the match against South Africa should have been bowled by Tendulkar, is the unanimous verdict. Against Zimbabwe they cribbed that even for three runs we need Tendulkar. And when India finally won, they all said "I told you so". All people south of the Vindhyas are called Madrasis in the North. That is why I insist on writing Madras. Anyway, Chennai, when literally translated in Tamil, means 'Red Dog', something I don't like after the collapse of the Soviet Union, even if the chief minister's son's name is Stalin. And finally, the most popular person in Madras is not Karunanidhi, Jayalalitha or Tendulkar, but Rajnikanth, even when he is in London. A Ganesh Nadar lives in the deep South, but is Bombay born and bred.
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