Politicians aren't famed for their punctuality. Hence everyone assembled for the launch of the Indian Navy's latest guided missile destroyer, INS Mysore, was shocked, pleasantly, to find Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee, Defence Minister George Fernandes, Maharashtra Chief Minister Narayan Rane, Deputy CM Gopinath Munde, and Karnataka CM J H Patel, all of them arriving on time. Well, not all. One politician kept his profession's flag flying high: Information and Broadcasting Minister Pramod Mahajan. Dressed in a spotless white kurta-pyjama, Mahajan arrived at the venue, Bombay's Naval Dockyard, just as it began to pour. As the function was well underway, no defence or police officer was at hand to take him aboard. Finally, Shakti Sinha, the prime minister's courteous private secretary, took the trouble of procuring an umbrella and getting Mahajan on to the destroyer. All the three service chiefs as well as several former chiefs were present. Prominent among them were Admiral J G 'Podgy' Nadkarni and Air Chief Marshal O P Mehra. And there was A P J Abdul Kalam, scientific adviser to the defence minister. But one person who was conspicuously missing -- hardly a kilometre away at his Colaba home, was former naval chief, Admiral Vishnu Bhagwat. The function was well organised, but the rains played spoilsport. Just as Vajpayee stood up to make his speech, it began pouring. Luckily for him and the other dignitaries, the navy had put up a canopy. But as the rainwater accumulated on the cloth, the roof began sagging and was soon down to Vajpayee's head. Thinking quickly, security staff got hold of a bamboo and spilt the accumulated water over the edge of the canopy. The PM was saved from having the canopy cave in on him, but a new problem arose. The water ran into the speakers just below the canopy. Soon Vajpayee's voice choked... Through all this drama, naval personnel stood stoically in the rain, getting drenched to the skin, even as big-talking politicians enjoyed the vista from their armchairs under the canopy. That's probably why defence was voted the most honest profession in a recent survey. As the rain had caused some disruption, journalists covering the function doubted whether they would get a chance to speak to Vajpayee about the situation in Kashmir. But they had reckoned without Mahajan. Ever the PR man, the I&B minister waved airily to them from the ship and invited them aboard to meet the PM. Soon the destroyer was agog with journalists milling all over and naval personnel had a tough time controlling them. In the midst of the pandemonium, a senior officer boomed at his subordinate: Arrey inko tum chhodo, PM saab ko toilet ka rasta dikhao (forget them, show the PM to the toilet). Sure enough there was Vajpayee, rushing to the 'looward' side. One person who avoided meeting the press was Fernandes. He made just two statements, and doublespeak at that. He said, "We will consider free passage for the infiltrators if the Pakistanis ask us to do so." And then added, "The Indian army will drive the intruders out of the Kargil heights, dead or alive." POSTSCRIPT: Someone wondered what the chief minister of Karnataka was doing at the naval function? To that a naval officer quipped: "The name of the ship is INS Mysore. And Mysore is in Karnataka, isn't it?" Syed Firdaus Ashraf will set sail in matrimonial waters soon.
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