I was very shy, very nervous, very reluctant. But I wanted to overcome this fear of the theatre that had been thrust on me by the so-called stalwarts of the film industry. So when people ask me how it is doing stage after cinema, I feel 'Khoda pahad, nikla chooha.' As an actress, I feel that acting is acting. Stage or cinema, you have to primarily act and that is important. The rest is secondary. I felt you could cheat the theatre audience, which is so contrary to what other theatre people say. They say you cannot cheat on stage. But you cannot cheat the camera -- never ever. And that was my biggest problem when I started theatre because I didn't want to cheat the audience. I had to feel the way I do when I'm facing the camera. I had to feel everything I was doing because I'm used to the camera. That was something I had to overcome. Rameshji (Talwar) used to tell me, "Don't strain yourself... why are you straining yourself? You'll become ill." But I used to feel that if I didn't, it wouldn't reach out to the audience. It wouldn't come out naturally. But he was right. I didn't need to strain so much and I discovered that you can fool theatre audiences more than the camera. I think everybody is going to be very angry with me for saying it, but I didn't think theatre was such a big deal as everybody says. All theatre actors are very good actors. But they're not good actors because they're doing theatre. Or they've come from stage. They're primarily good actors. That's how I see it. I didn't handle the play differently from the way I would handle a film because I didn't know any other way. I only know acting. Whether you make me do it in front of the camera or in front of a person, I'll do it with the same dedication, same sincerity and that's what I did. Whether I was successful or not is for others to say, but my approach was exactly the same. My biggest problem was learning the lines, which is a problem with me because I basically believe in improvising. I believe in doing it in action rather than saying it in words. I would rather convey something by a movement or look instead of words. To communicate you need eyes. But stage is different. Everyday I used to say no I'm not going to do it and he used to insist that I must do it and a time came when I just did it naturally. I learnt to adjust. I was improvising everyday. I used to stumble on my lines too, but I think that is what acting is. If I had to approach acting like something very mechanical, it wouldn't be acting. I think acting is like weaving and while you're doing it, wouldn't it be so nice if I did a little something different? Everyday you're growing, you're discovering something new with every performance. Basically I'm not the kind of person who fears. In fact I'm the kind of person who likes to challenge my own inhibitions and this was my basic problem. Earlier too I had almost started doing a play but I got cold feet then. Words were my biggest problem. The thing that I enjoyed the most was when I was actually on stage, acting and reacting and discovering new nuances in the character. In the 24 performances, I felt I grew. I like working with new people, with younger people because I want to be in touch with what's going on, with how younger people think, how things are moving -- that's my kick in life. The most important thing was getting over this fear of stage. Ramesh Talwar used to tell me "Don't act just learn your lines". And I'd say how can I not act? I am acting. Then he'd say "Ok do it the way you want." When people came backstage they literally cried. It was a moving experience. But not absolutely new because after I did Guddi people would meet me and say we want a daughter like you and after Uphaar they'd say we want a daughter-in-law like you. Now they'd say "You remind us of our mother." One moving experience was an old lady who'd waited for an hour. I used to be exhausted after the play and wouldn't want to meet people, but each day Rameshji would persuade me to meet someone either because she was pregnant or too old or something. This old lady was waiting and I went to meet her. After that, lots of other people came for pictures and autographs. And I lost my patience and said to that lady, "I'm bearing all this because of you -- if it weren't for you I would never have come out to meet people." She stared at me and said, "Accha hai, bahut acha hai. I also waited because it was you. If it were anybody else I wouldn't have waited." Of all my films people remember Guddi. Uphaar and Abhimaan. I loved Doosri Sita, but no one remembers it. All these people had seen me in my earlier films and for them to see me now in this play Ma Retire Hoti Hain with grey hair, it was for them like a growing-up. I feel the play came to me at the right time. I think I've been very fortunate in that things have happened to me at the right time. I cannot in all fairness say that theatre has contributed to my acting because I come from cinema. In theatre the guy sitting in the last row cannot even see your expression. On camera, one twitch in your expression is caught by the lens. It can change your whole character. This myth of theatre being this great Taj Mahal -- it's all bunk. If I had to choose between doing a play and a film I'd still do film. For me that's the bigger challenge. Jaya Bachchan, the celebrated actress, spoke to Lata Khubchandani.
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