Neither a borrower nor a lender be!

Get Ahead reader Rohit Khanna* sent us an email discussing his moneylending experience and how it managed to ruin a friendship:

It was the winter of 1997. I was 26 then, and unlike many of my age, not so financially savvy. It took me another 10 years to realise that money lent to anyone, especially to a friend or a relative, has little chance of finding its way back to your own bank account.

Of course, today I can say with some degree of confidence that I have wisened up to money-related matters. But it took me 10 long years and a friendship that now borders on animosity to understand it. The story I want to narrate dates back to the winter of 1997.

My friend Rajesh* was due to get married on November 10, 1997. As luck would have it, the poor chap had a spat with his father just a week before D-day. An individual who places a lot of emphasis on self-respect, Rajesh decided not to ask his father for marriage-related money. Moreover, he well knew that a friend in need is a friend indeed!

Rajesh came to me in right earnest and asked for Rs 4,000 (it was a big amount in 1997 -- especially for someone like me, who was earning a less-than-sufficient income). Being the good friend that I was, however, I gave him the amount. And like all those who borrow money and never wish to return it, my dear friend Rajesh said he would return the amount as soon as possible, once he was back from his honeymoon.

When Rajesh came back, the spat between him and his father had turned into an ugly duel. Very soon, he decided to part ways with his family and settled in a nearby neighbourhood. Of course, he promised that he would return my money within the next six months.

Given the tense situation, I tried to comfort Rajesh and told him to return the amount whenever he was more financially settled -- he now had a wife to take care of too. After all, there are very few gutsy boys who not only renounce their father's dukaan (business) but makaan (home) as well. And Rajesh was one of those brave souls whom I admired.

Soon days rolled into months, months into years and years into a decade. I did try to ask Rajesh for the money in 1999, but he smartly evaded my demands with tailor-made excuses.

When the year 2000 rolled around and after I had pestered Rajesh for months together, he finally presented me with four post-dated cheques of Rs 1,000 each, spaced out over the next four months. I was extremely happy and relieved -- I thought I'd finally get my money.

It came as a shock to me then, that the first cheque I tried to cash the coming month bounced. I demanded an explanation from Rajesh only to be given some lame excuses once more. To keep me from badmouthing him, he made a cash payment of Rs 1,000 at the time. He told me to keep the remaining cheques and assured me that he would change the dates on them whenever he had money.

When I called him after a gap of six months, Rajesh gave me all kinds of excuses for the umpteenth time. I decided not to ask him for it anymore -- I realised he had no intention of returning it and I wanted to avoid asking him for the money (imagine, it was me who stopped calling him out of sheer embarrassment!).

Things changed, however, when I spotted Rajesh a month ago -- he was riding a spanking new motorcycle. I was shocked at how he had evaded me all these years with excuses and was now the owner of an expensive motorbike. In the interim period, I had lost all contact with him and had almost forgotten that he still owed me Rs 3,000.

However, to make up for my financial foolishness I called upon a common friend with lightning speed, who fortunately had Rajesh's mobile number. I called Rajesh and asked him for the money. This time I had made up my mind -- I would get my dues.

Now that he had run out of excuses, Rajesh told me to meet him in his old neighbourhood. He changed the date on one cheque and asked me to deposit it on November 8. Thankfully, this one went through and now he owes me only Rs 2,000. He has already signed the remaining two cheques after cancelling their dates and said he will let me know about the new dates that I should put on them.

I am still waiting for Rajesh to call me and give me the date. He said he will call me after Diwali (November 9, this year) but I am yet to hear from him.

Maybe I will get the rest of my money and maybe I won't. But the entire episode has made me realise that money once loaned to a friend or a relative never comes back. Even when it comes back, it does so in a trickle and at the cost of relationships. So my advice is, neither a borrower nor a lender be!

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Have you even found yourself in such a situation? Has a relative/ friend who borrowed money from you defaulted on repayment? How did you handle things?

We would love to hear from you -- email your experiences, advice and opinions in this regard to getahead@rediff.co.in and the best entries will be published right here on rediff.com.