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Rediff.com  » Getahead » Live-in relationships: 'Better than a loveless marriage'

Live-in relationships: 'Better than a loveless marriage'

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Last updated on: July 27, 2007 15:36 IST

We invited readers to share their opinion on live-in relationships. Are they immoral, do they erode Indian culture or has the whole issue just been blown out of proportion? We received an overwhelming response, with readers debating the topic from every angle -- cultural, emotional and socio-religious. Here are some of the more interesting (unedited) responses that came in.

 

When it comes to spending whole life with somebody, what matters more is that the emotional requirements may get fulfilled. In thousands of cases they are not met in a marriage. At the same time, live in sort of relations also do not guarantee a full life relationship, it stands true.


But, being involved in a live in relationship or being part of a marriage is a matter of individual decision, which, one should be free enough to take.


Uproar on this issue, just for the sake of preserving cultural identity is questionable. How can anybody claim that there is no place for bonding or attachment is such relations? It is far, far better than a marriage that exists without love. Because, in a live in relationship what keeps two p'pl together is mutual trust and love, and not just enjoyment.
  

-- Rashmi Singh

 

Life is a bit complicated thing. Sometimes a few moments are required to understand someone and sometimes one cannot understand other during entire lifetime.

Marriages are made in heaven and broken on earth.If marriages can be broken so can live-in's be. What essential thing that is grossly missing today in our relationships is love, trust and commitment.

Our society has a heritage of its own. It need not be influenced by western culture. Marriage has been and is a successful phenomeonon. Live-in relationships are like BAND-AID thing. This is to say they are temporary and not good in long run.What is correct is marriages based on love , trust and commitment which last a lifetime.

-- Sukhmeet Singh

 

In society there are some peoples known as antisocial elements. their only job is to break rules/discipline formed by society/ religion/ parents and to prove this right they give some illicit and non genuine logics to prove themselves right, this is same for the peoples advocating in favor of live in relationship. 

-- Lovelyone

 

I disagree with all those ppl who think that Live-in relationships promote pre-marital sex. Ppl indulge in it anyway.


Live-in is not just about sex, it also about knowing the other person, cutting costs in expensive urban cities.
Plus it's a personal choice.

-- Rakshita Verma

 

In the last 60 years of independence,India has developed equal to 150 years of progress, which West had made,Our all laws are on the basis of British Laws,whatever changes are made in Indian judiciary, social system etc.,etc., are based on Western system.For example,legally what is the role of parents or any other relations in sons/daughters marriage.As such, nobody can stop India to be westernised, it is a matter of few years, say another 50 or so at least for educated class.


Live in relationship is at low profile today, but it will become common.
 

-- Arungopal Agarwal

 

First of all its not our culture, secondly this is for those who just dont want to take responsibilities. They really look for these kind of relationships to satisfy there urges. Lekin these kind relation are not strong and r not really bonded to each other. After few years u feel bore of these relationships. Iam totally against of these live in relationships. Iam happily maaried to my husband we had a courship period of around 7-8 years par than also i dont feel like living together before marriage. I dont feel these relations r required in our lives. 

-- Amit Bhatia

 

Rubbish reasoning. To satisfy urges you do not need a relation ship. You can do that anyways. What you did was your choice, great for you if you have found true happiness. But do not be judgemental about others' choices. Culture thing is crap. There is lot in our so called culture whih is disgusting.

-- Sampath Mohapatra

 

I am really not agree with this relation. This is really a bull****. I think a couple of meeting is enough to know anybody it doesn't make any sense to live with him and be physical with him/her.

In each and every relation we have to adjust and sacrifice whether the relation of Dad-Son, Mom-Daughter, Sister-Sister, Brother-brother, brother-sister. If we want to live happily we have to understand and love and respect each others feeling thats it.

Husband-wife relation is so sophisticated relation as well as loving relation. If we say mother, father, brother sister relation is made by GOD then this relation is also made in heaven and we have to accept it and adjust with it. We should not over-ruled the principal made by god.

 -- Laxmi Bhatt

 

Quite frankly I do not understand the hypocrisy in our society. Dowry is ok, oh sorry can't use the word dowry, illegal. Anything given to the daughter all expensive items is tradition & custom. Spending a bomb on weddings is fine since it happens once in a LIFETME. If husband ill-treats, you should adjust. If hubby has sex outside marriage its fine b'cos his wife cannot satisfy him.


The concept of live has come in when women has started asserting their rights. Its not that it was not happening in earlier societies, only difference it was being done by the MALE species. Live in is nothing but a choice exerted by two consentual adults. It you equate it to free sex then it is your misdoing, since sex is available anyways all over India. As far as love is concerned it is there in a live in as well. Except a legal agreement, it is the same as marriage.
 

-- Sampath Mohapatra

 

First it's not our culture. It happens only in western countries, where "VISHWAS NAAM KI KOI CHEEZE HI NAHIN HOTI". I wud like to ask this SO-CALLED couples that after marriage will they allow their spouses to have male/female friends ?

-- Sumati Gayki

 

Don't blame western countries. There are so many women in America who feel they will have sex only with their husband(mostly catholic women). Stop saying its only in our culture. Be innovative.

-- Suresh Kumar

 

This is against the principles and practices of what actually we are supposed to follow, as every relationship has its divine meaning. We are not mere animals but rational animal. We have a society and everyone is a part of it and has a role to play. Just say, father, mother, brother, sister - repeating will echo the worth of relationship. Everyone has a right to choose his/her mate, but it should be for the fullfilment of our individuality, personality which should be read with our parents name and identified with our integrity. None of us is supposed to waste our vitality and potential for mere transient pleasures to fulfill our biological need, instead it should be transformed into a meaningfull method of activity of life. If society is a 'pillar' families are the 'bricks' which it is made of and we are materials to concrete it. Espousing a live in arrangement as liberty it means you compromise your social responsibility with your own interest. Let wisdoem prevail and let us not encourage such folly instincts.

-- Gopalkrishnan

 

  • In what way do think the people living in are not socially responsible than the people married and living in?
  • Who says what we are supposed to follow?
  • Live in does not mean, they are not going to marry? What is exactly wrong with it?

    your entire paragraph misses the point of why you don;t support other than saying we are not supposed to follow.
  • What makes you think that people living in together do that only for physical pleasure? Who said that to you?
  • If marrying and living together is allowed, then can we marry more than 1 person and live in?
  • Why Hindu gods have more than one wife? I'm Indian and Hindu. So don't blame other people.

    Based on your witting, it appears that you are well educated and well thought. With all due respect in that direction, I challenge you to prove your point and i can prove you wrong in every aspect and every reason you give.
  •  -- Suresh Kumar

     

    'Living in' relationships are to a certian extent of the stupid practices adopted in our institution of marriage. We have progressed from type writers to laptops, coins to smart cards... but Our attitude towards marriage never changed.

    Women has graduated as CEO's of MNC's from a home maker. Men do drive a BMW and wear an Armani, but the wife in their dream still is a saree clad women with bindi in the fore head, may be a burkha, children cinging to her hands etc. He is yet to have this digested that the car that speeds at 140kmph can have a women in the driving seat.

    Living-in relation is mostly a decision made by the new generation women. Men were always ready for a "liability free" sex life. But for women, it is a bold step she is taking or a kind of challenge she is making on the male section who still fancy to live on the money of her father, fancy to get a slave at home and bed, fancy to keep a Sati-savitri at home.

    Women today understand her more. She know her wants and desires. Men will no longer be able to hide their inability or weakness under the "sanctity" cover of marriage.

    Living-in, is a challenge and the bold one do survive. You might see them desperate and broken after few years. But their life is much better than the prisoners of marriage.

     -- Genius Narayanan

     

    Why livein relationship? When a person is a social creature. What is the purpsoe of live-in relationship? This types of evil is inreasing day by day in big cities like Mumbai and Delhi, which is not good for the society as well as for the country like India. This is increasing in the reaches. 

    -- Ashok Jhunjhunwala


    Science is not about reinventing the wheel every time. It does not say that proof by first principle is the only way to accept a proof. You psuedo scientific guys do in any efforts to understand the system and reasoning and jump to conclusions based on half baked knowledge about science.

    -- Anonymous

     

    Do you have an opinion on live-in relationships? Have you ever been involved in a live-in relationship? Do you believe that it's better to get to know your partner by living with him/ her before committing to marriage? Do you believe practices like this are eroding Indian culture. Tell us what you think and why.

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