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Desi English at office, a comedy of errors

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Last updated on: July 09, 2007 14:07 IST

Have you seen what passes through Human Resources departments across the country? English errors of such magnitude that, as a worker, you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

That's the situation that faces Anand S., an HR worker for a multi-national in Bangalore.

Instead of frustration, Anand deals with these mistakes by documenting them. Here's his list of the funniest gaffes:

Wrong: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one week leave.
Correct: My wife and I have to go to our village to sell our land. Please sanction me one week of leave.

Wrong: My cremation ceremony is at 10:00 am, please grant me half-day leave.
Correct: I'm attending a cremation ceremony at 10:00 am; please grant me half-day of leave.

Wrong: As I am working in this office I suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today only.
Correct: I am suffering from a headache. I request leave for today. 

Wrong: I only am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.
Correct: I am suffering from fever. Please grant me leave for today.

Wrong: As my headache is paining, please give my leave today.
Correct: As I have a painful headache, please grant me leave today. 

Wrong: I am enclosed herewith...
Correct: I have enclosed herewith...

Wrong: Dear Sir, with reference to the above, please refer to my below reference.
Correct: Dear sir, in reference to the above, please see my observation below. 

Wrong: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me ten days leave.
Correct: My mother-in-law has expired and I am required to make arrangements for mourning. I request ten days of leave.

Wrong: My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave
Correct: My wife is ill and no one is home to assist her. May I be granted a short leave?

Wrong: I am in well here, thank you, and hope you are also in the same well.
Correct: I am well, thank you. I hope you are the same.

Wrong: As I am marrying my daughter, please grant weak leave.
Correct: My daughter is to be married. I request one week's leave.

Wrong: I want to shave my son head, kindly please leave me for two days.
Correct: As we are to celebrate my son's mundan, I request leave for two days. 

Wrong: This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'. As I am both and have been for the past several years I am applying for the post.
Correct: In reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant', I would like to submit my application. I have served as both a typist and an accountant in the past. 


MORE English bloopers

We thank our readers for the witty emails detailing common English bloopers they've come across! Keep them coming in, and we'll keep publishing them. Three times a week, we'll provide articles featuring your responses.

If you'd like to share common bloopers you come across when people speak/ write in English, do mail your list of common bloopers, along with their correct alternatives to -- we'll highlight them right here as a helpful guide to those trying to improve their English. Also make sure you include your FULL NAME, AGE, OCCUPATION and the CITY you are based in.

Anand S.