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Get Ahead reader Venita Dias, 28, who tied the knot this year shares her recipe for marital bliss.
Friedrich Nietzsche said: It is not the lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. I would have to agree with him.
I've known my hubby -- affectionately called Bean -- for a decade. During this time we went from being friends, to having a relationship, to being husband and wife.
We've had to work at it everyday though, most of the time we have had a long-distance relationship. This status has continued even post-marriage. I currently work as a business assistant in Kuwait and am eager to be with Bean who works with the automobile sector in Abu Dhabi. We've had plenty of experience dealing with the distance and it never seems gets easier, thought eventually, we hope to be together.
Like many couples we've had trying phases -- those times when we were attracted to those close at hand and our bond was challenged. But something about what we shared was a cut above the rest.
Maybe it was because from the start, we cultivated a very open and approachable relationship by always being there for each other. We'd confide every trivial thing in each other, sharing both the joys and the anxieties. So instead of falling out of love, owing to the proximity of others and the distance between us, we still managed to return home to each other; the emotional connectivity bridging the gap.
Bean and I don't have a lot in common, but we made time to do things together, play scrabble, watch television, share a chore and relax reading very different books. We have very different temperaments too -- I'm fiery and impatient, he's cool and composed. I talk too much, he mostly listens. When he's disheartened, I'm a perk-me-up. Luckily, the negatives do seem to cancel out.
We all want to know the essence of a happy marriage. Here's a little spiel from me to other newlyweds.
Togetherness comes with some great perks -- you now have someone to share the responsibilities and daily chores too! That will ease your load and give you more time together. Small things like making up the bed, washing the filter, taking out the garbage or doing the vacuuming together can all add up to a lot.
And the romance must continue. There should be time for dining out, holding hands, watching movies together and more.
However, while we make time for togetherness, we also need time alone, to collect our thoughts, listen to music, play with our pets, meet friends, basically do our own thing. We need to respect our boundaries and give each other breathing space.
Besides this, we all come with excess baggage, those skeletons in the closet, a past! Honesty and truth should be the backbone of your new life together. But it is better in some instances to hold your peace, for the truth can often hurt.
When you go through a little turmoil, past episodes best forgotten come back in the open and old wounds are reopened. Don't do that. Don't let cobwebs of yesterday haunt you. The fact that you are still with your spouse/partner affirms the importance of his/her presence.
The past is irrelevant. So move on and embrace today.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh
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