achna was thrilled. She had a great career, loving and supportive parents and a fiancé who thought the world of her. In a month, they would be married.
Then, one morning, someone she bumped into accidentally told her something alarming: the fiancé she cherished had a wife and two small children. And he wasn't likely to divorce her.
The wedding was called off. Rachna retreated into a shell that took her a long, long time to come out of.
Almost everyone we know has been through heartbreak. The first step towards healing is to acknowledge the fact that it happens. Accept it and move on. Here are some suggestions you might find helpful.
Express your pain
Try not to go through this painful period alone. Expressing what you feel to someone you trust and confide in will help a lot.
Talk it out.
Let it out.
Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and care for you. That will help ease the pain.
Ravi, who broke up after he found his girlfriend was simultaneously dating someone else, found it comforting to have his father around.
He says, "I have always talked out my problems with people who are closest to me. When my girlfriend left, I thought I would never get over her. And I still haven't, frankly. But I have to thank my dad for being such a rock. He helped me through the roughest time in my life by just being there and listening to me."
Surround yourself with things that will bring you comfort
Sleep well.
Eat well.
Watch movies.
Work out.
Read.
Listen to music you like.
Trek.
Do whatever you like doing.
Rachna's self-esteem nosedived to an all-time low after her break-up. She says, "I don't think I have cried so much in my life. There were days when I just could not stop the tears. I didn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. I just took refuge in my home. I have always felt at peace there. If I ever needed company, I would call my sister or my friends over. Slowly, they started organising theme evenings. They sneakily started involving me in more and more fun activities inside my home. And I can't thank them enough for that."
Don't ever blame yourself!
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I at fault for my girlfriend walking away?
Did I do something to make my boyfriend not like me anymore?
These are questions you should avoid giving importance to when they pop into your head. There is nothing wrong with you! You are not at fault because someone jilted you.
Rediscover yourself. Try something new
Binod, who went through a recent heartbreak, says, "Don't know what the shrinks will say about this, but post-break-up depression can actually give you a good high. As someone who was merrily jilted once blurted -- 'when you're in love you forget about yourself, you live for the one you love.'
"Depression is the opposite situation. Depression, handled well, can actually restore your self-esteem. The best part is that you get a lot of time to focus on yourself. All the precious moments you spent whispering sweet nothings to her are now yours to kill.
"You get to view yourself in magnification and smooth out your wrinkles. You get to indulge yourself more and work on your depression by pampering yourself. You get to discover yourself."
For Binod, it was his communion with himself that helped.
Swati's cure was getting involved in new things. "I felt directionless when I broke up with my boyfriend. But that was before I discovered pottery classes. And French classes. And photography. Now I have so many friends and so much to do. I am surprised I ever thought myself lost."
Be patient. Healing takes time
Try not to dwell too much on what didn't happen.
Or what could have happened.
Try to focus on what you can do to make yourself happy.
Take one step at a time.
Some try to avoid being around the other person. As Binod says, "Having the other person around in your life at this time won't help much. Being 'just friends' is nice, but it won't do your broken heart any good. It helps to value your personal space and spend more time with yourself."
Getting angry or trying to harm yourself in any way -- not eating, drinking or smoking excessively, etc -- will not help you at all. You will find it that much harder to come back to normalcy and peace.
Retain a sense of perspective at all times.
Accept that your pain won't go overnight.
Be glad that you have people who support you.
Believe in yourself.
Healing will follow automatically.
All names have been changed upon request.
Have you suffered heartbreak? How did you battle it? How did you recover? Let us know.
Illustrations: Dominic Xavier
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