Don't ring someone the wrong way

o you just got yourself a new mobile phone? Congratulations!

Before you sit down to configure your polyphonic ring tone or set the volume to max to make sure everybody notices your cool new acquisition, consider the much-loathed loudmouth who yaks into his headset as he thumps around on his evening jog. And don't forget the Pandit Hari Prasad Chaurasia recital you attended last Thursday, memorably marred by a shrill trill from the back of the hall.

It's true what they say: wherever you go, the network follows. So much that peace and quiet are foggy memories.

What is it about our countrymen that makes them such insufferable boors when their ears make contact with a cell phone?

• Quiz: Rate Yourself! How cell-mannered are you?

Industry experts are united in the view that Indians in general are yet to learn the basics of cell phone etiquette. In the West, though, cellular providers do their bit to educate consumers when they buy a new mobile phone or new subscription. In India, where personal space comes at a high price, 'got it, flaunt it' appears to be the attitude of choice.

Some blame it on low levels of awareness about cell phone manners, while others contend that socio-cultural factors may be responsible. Whatever it may be, here are some handy hints to enjoy your new cell phone, just so you don't ring someone the wrong way.

Be private in a public place

Yes, we think your new ring tone is really cool. But spare a thought when you use your phone in a public place. Keep it soft. If you are expecting a call from your due-to-deliver wife (what are you doing here, anyway?!), keep your phone on silent with the vibrate mode active. The same rule applies to places of worship, public events and theatres.

May I take this call, please?

Three's a crowd, even if you are a twosome. If you answer a call during a conversation with another person, make sure s/he is not left twiddling his/her thumbs while you hold forth. This behaviour can be a big turnoff during personal interviews, meetings or presentations where your undivided attention is in demand. Even if it is Bill Gates on the line, ask him to hang on.

If the call is too important to ignore, keep your conversation brief and ask for your companion's permission before you attend the call. Even better, if you are already expecting a call, inform the caller you will be busy at this time. That way, nobody gets hurt.

Keep your eyes on the road, your hands on the wheel and your ears to yourself. Even if you have a hands-free headset, remember your attention might be diverted. If your conversation is intense and involving — examples include but are not restricted to an argument with the spouse, a stressful break-up, or some really steamy courtship (which the rest of the world knows as phone sex) — it is likely that you will be distracted.

Drivers can get so involved that they are often seen throwing up their hands or gesticulating for emphasis. This is not funny if you are speeding on a highway, and even worse if you are manoeuvering a two-wheeler through a stretch of potholes. If you cannot ignore the call, pull up and continue the conversation.

How much multitasking can you handle, anyway? If good advice doesn't work, remember using your phone while driving is a punishable offence.

When you answer your phone in a crowded place like a bus terminus or a railway station, make sure you don't upset those around you. Some commuters are famous for behaving like stockbrokers at the close of day. They must be gently reminded that we have no interest in being introduced to their friends or their problems. Try to answer your call at least 10 or 20 feet away from the nearest person, and keep your cell phone ringing volume low.

How often have we come across people latched on to their phones in a queue? Instead of talking to the person behind the counter, they multitask by talking to two people at once. Value the time of those behind the counter and behind you. Take no calls until you are done with your business. Also, set your ring tone to the lowest level with a gentle tune. Or you might find the dogs barking at you.

If you are in the habit of leaving things behind, perhaps you should get one of those dog tags that come with some phones. Phones that ring when their owners are away are the most tempting things to destroy. If you have to leave your cell phone's side for a while, turn it o-f-f. If you can't afford to turn it off, keep it quiet, or better still, SILENT. Woof!

There are certain things you should never do in public on your cell phone: argue with your boss or spouse, yell at employees or subordinates, or discuss your daughter's boyfriend, or your son's report card. People are peeved by loud, angry voices. They have problems of their own to sort out. Find a quiet place if you have to let off steam.

Do the world a favour: make this decision before you leave home. Chances are, people won't share your enthusiasm for selecting your ring tone when you do it in public. Especially when you tinker with tones at their loudest setting. And one more thing, playing games is great fun but it pays to keep the sound effects to yourself. Bang-bang-bang pop-pop-pop is the last thing the person behind you wants to hear if she is reading a romance novel.

Got any useful tips of your own? Let us know!

Quiz: Rate Yourself! How cell-mannered are you?

Illustration: Uttam Ghosh